


like a faraway dream

by SunflowerEnthusiast



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Canon Divergence, M/M, Mostly Platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 16:05:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16558853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunflowerEnthusiast/pseuds/SunflowerEnthusiast
Summary: The odd relationship between Itaru and the man who might as well have walked out of his TV screen.





	like a faraway dream

**Author's Note:**

> no one asked for this fic, not even me
> 
> inspired by overseas trip story (agf event 2017), but then it completely veered off course because my hands decided they wanted to write about the awful relationship between these two dumb men so
> 
> here we are
> 
> it's not romantic like at all up until maybe the very end, but I still put the ship tag on because the idea was that they actually fall in love afterward (I guess). 
> 
> warning: depictions of violence (mentions of blood and some action scenes) plus spoilers for the entire story up until knights of round/disclaimer: 90% sure the actual chigasaki itaru is not this... cool? so just saying. the actual one will injure himself just trying to act out action scenes with misumi

Itaru stays quiet as his mother wraps him in a thick coat and warm scarf, putting little mittens on his small hands. He and his family have come on a family trip to a cold country in the middle of winter, which is bizarre in Itaru's opinion. Itaru is miserable and cold, but the rest of his family seem to be enjoying the trip, so he can't exactly complain, though.

Itaru's too young to really appreciate all these things his family is 'ooh'ing and 'ahh'ing about, but one thing he does enjoy is looking around the town they're staying in. This town might be put into a video game one day, because it does look like something from a story, so he wants to memorize what everything looks like.

The buildings seem sturdy and strong, most likely built to withstand the cold. Itaru stops to admire a life-like statue of a soldier outside a shop, and when he turns to ask his mom what she thinks, his blood runs cold.

He can't see his family anywhere.

Shoving down the panic rising in his throat, Itaru steps aside from the huge throng of people into an alleyway next to the shop he had stopped in front of, desperately searching for any sign of his mom, dad, or sister. He wants to cry when he realizes that he can't find them anywhere. Trying not to start full-on sobbing, Itaru shrinks away from the large crowds of people traversing the street and slides down the alleyway. He doesn't like large crowds of people, and since he's already upset, he doesn't want to even go near them.

He dashes out of this alleyway, across a small street, and then into another alleyway. He sprints (or, well, at least tries to) past a wall of empty boxes and thinks he spots a small person sleeping inside them, but he tries not to think about it. There seem to be a lot of homeless people on the streets. As much as he'd like to help them because he's sure it's what Lancelot would do too, he knows that, realistically, there's nothing he can do for them.

That being said, it doesn't make it any easier when a young man glares at him as he scurries past, eyeing his warm attire enviously. Itaru pulls his coat around himself self-consciously. He wishes he could help, but…

Seeing these people and remembering how many games he'd asked for during that one Christmas makes him embarrassed. He should try to be less selfish from now on…

He's running along an abandoned back street, wondering if he should try going to the station so that they can find his parents (if they can even understand him), when he hears a crash from an alleyway. Itaru turns to the right with wide eyes, staring at a dark alleyway at the very back of the street. He feels a shiver travel down his spine, and it's not from the cold.

He creeps closer. He knows that he shouldn't approach the alleyway, but it might just be a cat jumping off the garbage can like he sees in anime… Maybe…

He presses up against the back of the storehouse next to the alleyway, ever so slightly peering around the edge of the building. What he sees makes him gasp, but hopefully no one heard that.

A small figure dressed in all black is fighting off a much bigger guy who's swinging around a knife brazenly. Itaru can't understand what he's saying, but he appears to be taunting the smaller one. Itaru can't make out what the little one looks like because he's wearing a mask and bandana, but the big one is ugly.

_Actually, what game am I playing right now? What light novel am I reading? What anime am I watching?_

That's just how much Itaru can't believe what's unfolding right before his eyes. Well, it doesn't help that the little one is moving like they emerged right from a video game.

The man swings his knife violently at the little one, but the little one jumps right onto the dumpster that's the same height as them and then vaults off of it, locking themselves around the man's neck and pulling his hair. The man yowls, shaking off the little one like they weigh nothing, and Itaru nearly screams when the little one gets thrown at the wall. Luckily, the little one flips mid-air, bracing the hit with their feet, and then they launch themselves off the wall, punching the man right in the gut. It seems to have an effect, as the man stumbles in pain, but sadly, it's not enough, because the man grabs them mid-air and throws them onto the ground. The little one doesn't have enough time to recover this time, and the man raises his knife, grinning wildly as he stares down at the little one's wide green eyes.

Itaru moves without thinking, and later he'll assume it's just because it's what Lancelot would have done.

Itaru unwraps his scarf from around his neck, throwing it around the man's arm with the knife in it, and once it's secured, Itaru pulls with all his might, stopping the man from bringing the knife down onto the little one. The man shakes Itaru off his arm just with one swing, and Itaru gasps as he's thrown against the wall, all the air rushing out of his lungs. Luckily, his glasses don’t fall off, but Itaru isn’t really sure if that’s what he should be worrying about. The man angrily turns onto Itaru, raising his arm with the knife, and Itaru cowers with his arms above his head, realizing that he might be about to die. He's such an idiot, but… He's glad he at least bought the little one time to get away.

Itaru braces himself for the hit.

But it never comes.

Itaru opens his eyes, peeking through his raised arms, and his eyes widen, as he lets his arms fall completely.

A boy with dark green hair is making short work of the man. He seems to have hit the man's arm with a bat he's wielding, because the knife is on the ground, and next he sweeps the man's legs out from under him despite being smaller than the man. As the man is falling, the boy brutally slams the bat against the man's head, and while Itaru cringes, the boy just watches him fall, expression cold.

_Is that man even still alive…?_

Itaru wants to throw up.

The green-haired boy hurries over to the little one, and promptly begins to yell at them, probably scolding them for getting into this matter in the first place. Although, considering how the little one moved and how strong the green-haired boy seems, is it possible…?

The little one is ignoring the green-haired boy and is staring at Itaru. The green-haired boy finally seems to notice that the little one is ignoring him, and he snaps at them angrily before following their gaze. When his sky blue eyes meet Itaru's, both of them blink in surprise.

_He has pretty eyes just like the other one._

Itaru must look like a mess to these two. His boots are all dirty from running through alleyways, he tore his coat on a dumpster earlier, and he must look sweaty from running. Itaru looks down in embarrassment, but he hears footsteps approaching him. The voice that he recognizes as the green-haired boy's reaches out to him, but of course, he has no idea what he's saying.

Looking up at the boy helplessly, Itaru decides to speak to let the boy understand that he's not from this country and can't speak the language. “I’m sorry; I don't understand what you're saying.” Itaru tries to put more empathy into his words so that perhaps just his feelings can reach the boy, but he has no idea if it worked. The boy seems surprised that Itaru spoke a different language, and he looks back at the other person who's gotten up and walked over. The green-haired boy asks them questions, and they respond in a quiet, sleepy voice that probably belongs to a boy, but it's hard to tell.

Once he finishes questioning him, the green-haired boy sighs and looks back at Itaru like he's a problem that he's trying to figure out how to solve. Itaru doesn't enjoy that feeling.

After contemplating for a moment, the green-haired boy begins to gesture. _Well, that's probably the best way to communicate._ Itaru tries to interpret what his gestures mean. Maybe… what is Itaru doing here? Well, that's a hard thing to gesture back to. Itaru decides to play charades instead, getting to his feet with a wince. His back hurts. Hopefully he didn't seriously injure himself or anything.

He walks around in a circle and then stops, looking around with a lost expression on his face and then shrugging his shoulders. The green-haired boy seems to understand as realization dawns on his face. He communicates to the other boy while Itaru just awkwardly stands there. The other boy gives a nod when the green-haired boy finishes talking. The smaller boy turns to Itaru, gratefulness in his eyes, and he bows to him. Understanding the message, Itaru bows back to him, and when he straightens up, he bows his head to the green-haired boy as well to thank him for saving him. The green-haired boy nods in acknowledgment.

The smaller boy looks down at something, and Itaru follows his gaze. He realizes that his scarf fell to the ground after he had used it to stop the man. The other boy picks it up, offering it to Itaru. Itaru takes it gratefully, smiling at the other boy as he wraps it around his neck. Itaru can't see his mouth, but he thinks he's smiling, too.

Afterward, the green-haired boy beckons Itaru out of the alleyway, and Itaru decides to follow him. He's a little suspicious considering that the other two boys seem like they're from a completely different world than him, but he decides to trust them because they helped him. Also, they're really cool, so he wants to observe them a little longer.

But, when they leave the alleyway, Itaru realizes that the little one isn't following them. He looks back, and the little one waves to him, standing still in the alleyway. Glancing at the unmoving body in the alleyway, Itaru decides that some things are better left unsolved, and he waves goodbye to the little one. He wonders if he'll ever see him again…

The green-haired boy mutters something, and even though Itaru is really curious about what he said, he knows that there's no way of finding out since they don't speak each other's languages.

The boy takes back alleys throughout the town, and Itaru follows close behind, scared that he might get separated from him. It's probably all over if that happens. Not only will Itaru be lost, but he might also get jumped by a knife-wielding maniac, and in that case he'll have no protection.

They traverse the back roads in silence because they can't understand each other and because there's no one else around. Even though the main streets are so busy, Itaru wonders why the back roads are deserted. Maybe it's because of all the homeless people in alleyways…

It doesn't take long for the green-haired boy to lead him through one last alleyway and stop at the end, pointing outside the alleyway. Itaru steps up next to him and peers out at what he's pointing at, and his eyes light up when he realizes that he's pointing at a building that looks like it could be a station. He supposes the boy isn't going to escort him there, so he turns to say goodbye to the boy.

He bows to him, which the boy just nods to. He's so calm and collected. He does look older since he's taller than Itaru, but Itaru wonders how much older he is. Itaru feels embarrassed realizing how different he is from this boy, and not in a good way.

Still, he helped him a lot. With a bright smile, Itaru decides to verbally say his goodbyes. “Thank you so much for everything. Please keep looking out for you friend, and take care of yourself too!” Itaru runs out into the street, but not without looking back at the surprised boy and waving vigorously. “Bye-bye!”

Barely, just barely, the boy smiles, albeit wryly. “Bye-bye,” he repeats back to Itaru, finally saying something he can understand.

Itaru grins, running off to the station with high hopes. Sure, he kind of had a crazy day, but he's sure that he'll be reunited with his family soon. Besides, it was interesting, and he didn't really get hurt except for probably a sore back tomorrow, so he's not scared of what happened. In fact, it's kind of exciting.

Maybe he's just dumb.

As he squeezes past the crowds on the street to get to the station, he suddenly realizes that he never tried to get the other boy's name. He looks back, but the boy is already gone, the alleyway empty. Itaru's disappointed for a moment before remembering that the boy probably wouldn't have given him his name anyway, since cool people like that usually don't reveal their identities, especially to characters who are probably NPCs like Itaru.

He heaves a sigh.

Oh, well.

Maybe one day they'll meet again someday.

When Itaru's reunited with his family, he's buried in hugs and tears, but he doesn't tell them what he saw that day.

That's a secret between him and the two other boys.

* * *

When Chigasaki Itaru first meets his senpai, Utsuki Chikage, he doesn't think much of him, besides the obvious fact that he has some kind of secret. He seems perfectly normal at first glance, but Itaru gets an odd vibe from him. He doesn't know what it is, but he suspects that Utsuki-san has some kind of secret. Maybe it's because Itaru himself has a secret, so he can sense people who are like him? No, that's silly. He wishes he had that kind of game-like power, but he doubts it.

Anyway, he doesn't bother trying to figure out what it is, because he more or less gets the feeling that it would be dangerous to try to find out. That's mainly why he doesn't go out of his way to interact with Utsuki-san, because even though he seems interesting, Utsuki-san probably doesn't care about Itaru, and if Itaru asks the wrong question, he doesn't want to get strangled by the man. Besides, he's already decided not to trust people anymore. Everyone at his workplace is kept at an arm's length.

Then, a strange set of coincidences happen. Later, he'll wonder if they were really coincidences, but at the time, he considered them coincidences.

 

Itaru's still sort of new at his workplace, so when he's asked to go to an after-work drinking party, he accepts, even though it's not really his thing. He's not comfortable drinking in front of people he doesn't trust, because if he gets too drunk and lets something slip, it's all over. Well, he'll just try to manage with one glass, and hopefully no one will notice.

It sucks though because he technically has an ongoing event he's got to grind in Destiny Miniscule Command, but maybe he can do some of it on bathroom breaks. It's not just that, though, he also has games on his computer he's got to get back to grinding on, but, alas, here he is. What a life.

While everyone is partying it up around him, he just slowly sips on one bottle of beer. He deflects personal questions with ease, but seriously, why does everyone have to think he has a girlfriend? Sure, he might look like some kind of prince out of a manga (okay, so, maybe that's too full of himself), but he's not interested in having a relationship. He doesn't trust people, and he's not particularly interested in having a significant other. He's perfectly okay with just having 2D characters.

Wow, that must sound so depressing.

Itaru glances at a bunch of his superiors laughing it up at the end of the bar. “Utsuki, you're a riot!” Itaru's boss guffaws, face as red as a tomato from too much booze and laughing. Itaru just stares at the ruckus blankly. He doesn't understand people.

Utsuki-san smiles his pretty smile, the poster boy of a Rogue magazine. “Thank you very much,” he thanks Itaru's boss humbly, and Itaru takes a long sip of his beer. That man is at least two times as fake as Itaru is he, and that's a fact, not just something Itaru himself thinks. With an alluring smile and beautiful blue eyes, Utsuki-san draws everyone in with either his looks, or his unique charm. Itaru isn't so easily fooled, though. That man sucks.

Well, Itaru sucks, too, so. Guess he can't judge.

Itaru tries his best to tune out all the noise around him, but he knows he can't completely tune it out because 1) it's too noisy and 2) someone might ask him something and he'll need to respond. After deflecting one of his co-workers trying to set him up with his daughter and another one trying to (very obviously) flirt with him, Itaru excuses himself for his second bathroom break.

He locks himself in a stall and heaves a sigh as he logs into DMC to quickly finish a few battles. After that, he exits the stall, and he goes over to the sink to wash his hands. There's no one else in the bathroom.

Itaru takes one look at his face and sighs even louder than before.

He'd better not go outside with this 'dead on the inside' look on his face. Shaking it off, Itaru turns off the sink and dries his hands. As he's throwing the paper towels away into the trash, the door opens, and in steps…

Oh, sweet mother of RNG.

Itaru nods politely to Utsuki-san, trying not to look desperate as he attempts to edge past him and out the door. Utsuki-san smiles back at him, and blocks his way.

… Okay, so, there's about three things that could happen here. One: Utsuki-san just wants to ask him to get his boss away from him. Itaru wouldn't blame him, but he also doubts Utsuki-san would blatantly ask for that, considering how perfect he seems. Two: Utsuki-san just staggered a little from the alcohol and didn't mean to block Itaru's way. Also unlikely since the man doesn't look the slightest bit drunk. Three: Utsuki-san is actually some guy from a dark organization seeking out people with nice faces who could handle their 'above-the-board' work for them.

… So, maybe Itaru has no idea what's about to happen to him, after all.

“Chigasaki, so you were in here.” Okay, no honorifics and a completely casual way of speaking, that isn't spooky at all. “I was looking for you.”

_Me?_

Well. This doesn't sound good.

Swallowing down his unease, Itaru decides to go with his star smile. “Is that so? Is there something you need, senpai?”

Utsuki-san smiles, but Itaru swears it doesn't reach his eyes. Most people wouldn't be able to tell, though. Probably. “Yeah. I was going to ask if you're going to the next bar as well,” Utsuki-san says, smile still intact.

Oh.

Itaru heaves an invisible sigh of relief. What a normal question. And here he was getting worked up over nothing. “Ah, no, I don't think so,” Itaru declines politely. “I should be getting home soon.”

“Tomorrow’s an off day, though?”

 _Curse you._ “That’s true, but I'm feeling tired. I think I'll turn in early.”

“Is that so? What a shame. I wanted to have a drink with you,” Utsuki-san frowns, realizing that Itaru's intent on going home. Itaru has no idea what the hidden meaning behind that is (because there's definitely a hidden meaning), and he doesn't want to know.

“I apologize. Next time for sure,” Itaru smiles, hoping that Utsuki-san goes for that.

Luckily, he does. Perfect smile returning to his face, Utsuki-san says, “I’m looking forward to it.” With that, he moves, allowing Itaru to pass.

Itaru tries not to rush out the door, he really does, but he ends up sort of rushing in the end. He's not sure if he likes dealing with Utsuki-san. He's way too mysterious and hard to read. And, besides…

He thinks back to the smile that didn't reach Utsuki-san's eyes.

… Maybe…

Maybe he's just a little scared of him.

 

And then, Utsuki-san becomes a daily presence in his life.

They don't work on the same floor, so Itaru had figured that he wouldn't have to the other that often, but ever since that incident at the bar, he's been running into Utsuki-san a suspicious amount of times. At the water cooler (“I was on my way back from dropping some necessary papers off when I started to feel parched”), in the lobby of the office (“Are you heading home now? What a coincidence, so am I. Want to head out together?”), and even in the bathroom on a floor that is neither of theirs, and that was just plain disturbing.

Itaru collapses onto his bed with a loud groan. His sister yells at him to shut up from the other side of the wall, and he just sighs. Opening his eyes to stare at his phone's wallpaper, he sighs again. His sister starts yelling even more.

“Lancelot… Do you think senpai is a Merlin character? Or do you think he's actually a good guy like Gawain?”

No answer.

Closing his eyes, Itaru sighs for the third time. “Yeah, that's what I thought.”

 

_Cold air seeping through his clothes. Snow falling gently overhead. The hustle and bustle of a town speaking a language he doesn't know._

_Ah. He knows this place._

_He watches passively as a young boy with light wavy hair scurries through back alleys, trying to find his way back to his family. He knows what happens from here. The boy will pause, warily eyeing an alleyway all the way at the back end of a street, and he will approach despite his brain telling him to get the heck out of there. The boy will find a man and another child fighting in the alleyway, a sight sure to scare anyone at any age._

_And yet, the boy stays put, watching the fight with an odd mixture of terror and awe, unable to tear his eyes away. The child is unnaturally limber for his age, hopping around the man like a rabbit. However, the child soon is taken down, viciously slammed into the ground._

_The child with the wavy hair runs into the alleyway like an idiot, and he unwraps his scarf from his neck, throwing it around the man's arm and pulling the knife away from the other child. The boy gets flung against the wall, staring dazedly up at the man with the knife._

_And then the real hero arrives on the scene._

_A green-haired boy jumps down from the roof of one of the buildings, wielding a bat like a weapon. He sweeps the legs out from underneath the man, and as the man is falling, he hits a home run right onto his skull. Even now it looks painful._

_It's funny comparing the light-haired boy to the green-haired boy. It's true that the light-haired boy bought time for the boy who had been fighting the man, but he was in no way a hero. After all, the man probably would have just killed him and then killed the other boy. The green-haired boy is a true hero, though. He wiped out the man like it was nothing, and saved the lives of both other boys._

_He watches as the three boys communicate despite not speaking the same language. The green-haired boy takes the light-haired boy to the station so that he can reunite with his parents, and when they part, the light-haired boy gives the green-haired boy a bright smile._

_That would be the last time he saw those two._

 

When Itaru opens his eyes, his alarm hasn't even rung. Sluggishly, he flips his phone over and powers on the screen. _5:14._ Sighing heavily, he turns off his phone, trying not to think of all his stamina going to waste in his games.

He hasn't thought about that day in a while, so it's odd that he would have a dream about it. That being said, his dreams are…

To be honest, if Itaru has one special power, then it probably lies in his dreams. It's not an exaggeration nor a joke, which is the saddest part. He loves games with people with special powers, and he loves pretending to be one of those people even more. Still, this 'power' he has is one that he'd rather not have.

Itaru has very vivid dreams. He's had them ever since he can remember. Usually they're just nonsense—a world overrun with killer butterflies, a man trying to take over the world in the name of his best friend's last wish, an angel falling to Earth because they fell in love with a demon. That kind of thing. They sure are interesting, he supposes.

And then there are the 'special' ones. Every once in a while, Itaru has a predictive dream. No, he can't see the future because that'd be broken, but it's something close. The dreams usually contain things that will soon occur around Itaru, but those things usually aren't things that actually happen in his dreams. It all sounds very confusing, he knows, but that's just how it works. It's something along the lines of his dreams dropping hints of something that will happen soon. For example, one night he had a dream that took place in and out of a market because he worked for a traveling merchant, and the very next day, the KniRoun social media account announced that the next game would be a game where Lancelot becomes a merchant.

All that being said, obviously his latest dream falls into neither category, but that's the odd part. Itaru has almost never dreamed of his past before, so he doesn't understand why he would suddenly start to. Besides, why that day? It was a memorable day for him, but he's tried to forget it because he realized that those two boys might be part of something dangerous, and so he should probably try to forget what happened.

(Although, he will always think those two are amazing, and nothing will change that.)

He sighs. It's no use trying to think about it. His dreams will never make sense to him, so he might as well as give up now.

Figuring that he might as well as get up since he doesn't feel like falling back to sleep, he sits up and opens up one of his games. Maybe playing will get his mind off of everything.

As he stares at the loading screen, he has a sudden thought.

Maybe green-haired people are always going to haunt him.

* * *

Utsuki-san is usually overseas, so Itaru doesn't have to worry about him most of the time. The times that he's back in Japan, though, are truly trying times. Itaru lives his days on edge, bracing himself to inevitably run into the other man because either he's stalking him, or Itaru is rolling really low (or high depending on who you are) on the RNG.

It's not even like Utsuki-san ever really has anything he actually needs from Itaru besides the occasional work-related paperwork or something. All he does is say hello to him, make small talk, and leave. After Utsuki-san's line of foreshadowing in the bathroom at that one bar, Itaru expected something else not…whatever this is.

Utsuki-san has been too busy to attend any drinking parties, anyway. He doesn't go to most because he's either overseas or busy. Despite that supposed busyness, though, he still finds time to talk to Itaru, which is just plain weird. He really doesn't understand why Utsuki-san bothers with him, but maybe he's just bored.

Itaru does a full combo with his character, effectively defeating the other player. He feels like he's started to play more fighting games recently to work off all the stress that's started to pile on. Besides his confusing senpai, there's this brat named 'NEO' who's started to chase after him in every game he plays. Why does it always have to be Itaru that suffers?

Laughing bitterly, Itaru quits out of the matchmaking lobby and falls backward onto the floor. A nickname echoes in his ears like a broken record on repeat, and he squeezes his eyes shut.

Is being alone for the rest of his life and being left alone for the rest of his life too much to ask for?

“… I'm tired.”

He wonders what kind of face he's making right now.

 

When he thinks about it, he doesn't really know when Utsuki-san went from being 'perfect person who has a stalker side and has the scent of something dangerous' to 'perfect person who has a stalker side and has the scent of something dangerous but is also kind of okay.’ If he had to guess, it was probably around a couple weeks ago when Utsuki-san bailed him out of getting caught by his boss and dragged to a drinking party. Yes, it's a dumb thing to start seeing him in a better light with, but well. Can't really help it; that's just how much Itaru hates those drinking parties.

Utsuki-san is back right now, and tonight he's going to join in on a drinking party. Itaru ends up going as well because he's turned them down a lot lately, and Utsuki-san might get angry at him for bailing when he's already promised him a drink together.

They end up sitting down at the bar together and order their drinks. Some of the women from the office stare at them from across the way, whispering to each other with stars in their eyes. He supposes they're really enjoying this; both Utsuki-san and Itaru are highly regarded in the face department at the company. He sends a smile their way, and they all sighs dreamily simultaneously. Itaru's almost impressed.

“You sure are popular, 'Prince,'” Utsuki-san comments with a sly smile, blue eyes glinting behind his rectangular-framed glasses. Itaru does his best not to grimace and continues smiling instead.

“Senpai is also very popular. Most of those women were looking at you.”

“I guess.” Utsuki-san's answer is non-committal. Itaru's 90% sure Utsuki-san doesn't actually like women judging by his interactions with them, but he wouldn't dare ask. Changing the subject, Utsuki-san sips his drink. Itaru already forgot what he ordered. “I see you remembered our promise. I'm surprised.”

 _You don't look surprised._ “It was just a month ago, and it was a promise, so I wouldn't forget,” Itaru says pleasantly, drinking some of the sake he ordered. Utsuki-san just grins.

“Heh, were you looking forward to it that much?” He teases him, voice amused. Itaru would like nothing more than to inform him that no, he wasn't looking forward to it, and, in fact, he was very much dreading it, but that would ruin his image, so he'll abstain.

“Maybe. I'll leave it up to your imagination,” Itaru smiles brightly, teeth and all. Utsuki-san nearly falls into a fit of laughs at that answer (maybe he saw right through him), but he manages to contain it to a snort.

“You really are interesting. Thanks for having a drink with me tonight.”

For some reason, his words seem to ring true, and that's…

Trying to ignore the odd feeling, Itaru just nods. “You’re welcome.”

“You know, I once met someone who looks just like you.”

Surprised at the sudden change of subject, Itaru glances at Utsuki-san's face. The smile is still on his face, but there's something else lurking behind it. Itaru decides to test the waters. “You did?” He asks, warily. He has no idea where this conversation is going, so he'd better keep on his toes.

“Yep. He was pretty just like you, and he caught the eye of a nasty group because of that. One day, he got kidnapped off the streets, and the next thing you knew, he was being used as bait to get customers into that group's shady business. He would charm people with his face, and then bring them back to the others, where that person would get tangled up in certain… things. Poor guy, right?” Utsuki-san tells the story with a frown on his face, as if remembering a sad memory. Meanwhile, chills have been running up and down Itaru's spine.

What is this? A threat? Itaru has flashbacks to the wild fantasy he thought of when Utsuki-san stopped him that one day, and he realizes that maybe he wasn't that far off the mark. Now what? Does he try to laugh it off and ask if he's joking? Does he agree with him that that guy's lot in life sucked? Does he just up and bolt? No, wait. Even though Utsuki-san looks thin, he's seen him catch some falling papers before. That man moves at a speed that regular businessmen aren't supposed to move at.

“… Pfft.”

Itaru blinks as Utsuki-san dissolves into laughter. All he can do is sit there and blink as he waits for Utsuki-san to stop laughing at him. What now? Why is he laughing? Does he think it's funny that Itaru's panicking about what's going to happen to him?

“Sorry, it's just…” He's still laughing. “I can't believe you believed that. You should know better, Chigasaki.” Utsuki-san's eyes are shining.

… So it was just a made-up story. He's right. Itaru _should_ know better. He's lost track of how many times he's told himself not to trust anyone anymore. Why did he believe that ridiculous lie for even a second? He's such an idiot. Of course that wasn't true. Sure, Itaru suspects that Utsuki-san isn't what he seems on the surface, but he wouldn't tell him a story that basically reveals that. Of course it was a lie from the very beginning.

“… Senpai, please don't fool around with me like that.”

_You're a terrible person._

But even as he thinks that, he also thinks about how this is the first time Utsuki-san has even remotely looked like he's having fun, so he supposes that he should probably forgive him this once. He doesn't know why he has to be nice to other people when they'll never be nice to him, though.

The rest of the night is spent being at Utsuki-san's mercy, but… it's not bad. At the very least, he doesn't scare Itaru like he did previously. He’s hard to understand and probably has more layers than a wedding cake, but Itaru figures he’s seen worse people. Maybe if this was a different life, they would be able to be friends. However…

It might be just Itaru's imagination, but Utsuki-san looks… worried.

Not that Itaru could ever ask him about that.

 

It's a cold day in February when Itaru finally sees Utsuki-san again, and it's a day that he'll probably remember for the rest of his life.

He's on his way to the office when he spots Utsuki-san's familiar outline up ahead. Shivering and glancing up at the snow falling from above, Itaru quickens his pace. He catches up to Utsuki-san just as they're arriving under the awning over the entrance of building, and he tugs on his scarf, gathering his usual smile.

“Utsuki-san?”

Utsuki-san turns, and Itaru freezes. His glasses are in his hands—he was probably wiping the snow off of them. “What?” He asks in a rough voice, completely different from his usual personality.

Dark green hair and clear blue eyes. There's a worn, tired expression on his face—a rare crack in his armor. More than anything, a silent anger is hidden behind the tiredness, an anger hidden deep within the darkness gathered in Utsuki-san's expression. His cold expression is familiar—it is not the coldness Itaru once saw in his eyes, but the coldness he once saw in…

Itaru doesn't know what surprises him more.

The fact that this isn't the Utsuki-san that he knows, or maybe—

The fact that he knows ‘this’ person.

Utsuki-san's eyes widen for just a fraction of a second, and he puts his glasses back on in a rush. With a smile (that is completely fake), he attempts to brush off his momentary lapse. “Ah, Chigasaki, sorry. I'm a little out of it—jetlag and all that.”

Itaru doesn't believe him for a second. “It’s alright,” Itaru smiles, putting Utsuki-san at ease. Hopefully Utsuki-san doesn't think too hard about how Itaru saw something he probably shouldn't have seen. “Thank you for all your hard work, Senpai. I hope you don't have too much work today.”

Utsuki-san smiles wryly. “So do I.”

They enter the building wordlessly after that, and Itaru sneaks a peek up at Utsuki-san as they take off their coats. He looks mostly the same, just… empty. Yeah. His eyes look devoid of life.

It reminds Itaru of what he looked like in the days following Tonooka betraying him. Trying not to think about what that means, Itaru steps into the elevator with Utsuki-san. As they ride upward in silence, Itaru remembers the dream he had all those months ago.

Ah… His dream was trying to warn him. It was trying to make him realize that Utsuki-san is the boy who saved him once and that he's dangerous. Itaru glances at Utsuki-san out of the corner of his eye. He's just staring at the numbers, waiting for his floor. He catches Itaru glancing at him, and he smiles. “What is it?” Despite the fact that that smile is probably supposed to be refreshing, the fact that it doesn't reach his eyes makes it anything but.

“… Senpai…” Itaru has the words on the tip of his tongue. _Do you remember me?_ Utsuki-san had that fake story about the man who was like Itaru, but did it have a grain of truth in it? When he said that he had met someone who looks just like Itaru, was he talking about when they met when they were kids? Or was he truly just lying?

…

“Never mind. It's nothing,” Itaru smiles it off. Utsuki-san seems curious, but the doors slide open before he can say anything. “This is my floor. Please excuse me.” Itaru bows, excusing himself, and he walks out of the elevator. He tries not to think about Utsuki-san's gaze boring a hole into his back.

He might never get the opportunity to ask him about that. There might never be a right time. But right now, he should be thinking about that dark look on Utsuki-san's face.

… As he thought before all those months ago, he does think Utsuki-san is a terrifying person.

But…

He thinks about him laughing the last time he saw him.

He doesn't think he's a monster. Utsuki Chikage is only human, just like the rest of them. Something must have happened.

Not that he can do anything about that, but what he can do is go along with whatever Utsuki-san wants. He's going to have to play the part of the good kouhai.

… Just when did Utsuki-san become a person that Itaru would worry about?

He thought he was over other people. He wants to be alone for the rest of his life—that's all. All he needs is games and that's all. He doesn't need any other company. He doesn't _want_ any other company.

Later that month, he'll meet people who completely change his life, but that's not something he likes to admit.

* * *

It's a cold day when Itaru first meets the man named Mikage Hisoka. He's short, skinny, and homeless, and his hair is fluffy just like the marshmallows he chomps on. Itaru doesn't think much of him at first, but when he steps on stage, he transforms into a completely different person. That part of him is pretty interesting.

Also, he has amnesia.

Hisoka's mysterious aura just reeks of a light novel's protagonist, and Itaru loves it, but it also sort of reminds him of Utsuki-san in a way. The mystery part, that is. Other than that they couldn't be more different.

Hisoka is spoiled by the rest of the Winter Troupe, minus Tasuku, who probably has no idea how to spoil people (what an awkward guy—not that Itaru can really judge). Itaru knows that Hisoka is older than him, but it really doesn't feel like it, so he treats him like he treats people around his age or younger. Hisoka is like a cat—he’s flexible, fast, loves taking naps, and he's unsociable but in the end probably loves people because he'll easily fall asleep next to others. He's an interesting person, but Itaru personally doesn't interact with him much since they aren't in the same troupe.

Hisoka, who is quiet yet observant, who looks after other people silently and awkwardly, has a stalker.

At the celebration party to commemorate the success of the Winter Troupe's play and the theater being saved, Hisoka received a note. Inside the note was a threat, which is odd because Itaru honestly doesn't think that Hisoka looks like the type of person who would do anything bad, despite his mysterious past. Anyway, Itaru isn't really supposed to know, but a few other adults had been nearby when Hisoka had opened his letter, and they overheard what it was. Sakyo-san seemed concerned, but it's not like they can afford good security or anything, so in the end, there wasn't really anything they could do for him. All they could do was hope that nothing bad came of Hisoka's ominous note.

Anyway, he's thinking about Hisoka because he's the co-lead for the current play. He and Homare-san are roommates, so you'd think they'd get along well, but… Well. Let's just say relationships between people are difficult.

Itaru is gathering his things, preparing to head home for the day when a familiar voice calls out to him. Itaru glances upward, finding a smiling Utsuki-san standing nearby. It looks like he's getting ready to go home as well.

In the months following 'that' day, Utsuki-san has never looked the same. He's reverted back to his ever-smiling, dependable personality, and you can't find a speck of darkness in his expression. It's not that it's gone; it's just that he hides it well.

Shaking those thoughts away, Itaru smiles back at him. “Thank you for all your hard work. What is it, Senpai?” He asks, standing up with his belongings in hand.

“Good work. I have something I want to talk with you about. Can we walk out together?” Utsuki-san asks, ignoring the whispers of the people who work on Itaru's floor. Itaru kind of wishes he didn't come all the way to his floor and instead just waited for him in the lobby, because it would be more inconspicuous that way.

Oh, well.

“Of course.”

The ride down to the lobby is quiet. When they arrive in the lobby, Utsuki-san doesn't stop and leads him out of the building. Upon exiting, Itaru glances up at the sun setting behind the skyline. The air is cool.

“Chigasaki,” Utsuki-san prefaces, moving to the side, “you joined a theater group recently, didn't you? MANKAI Company… if I remember correctly?”

Itaru blinks in surprise as he moves to the side as well so that he doesn't block traffic in and out of the building. He's surprised that Utsuki-san remembered that—he’s only told him once, and that was only because Utsuki-san once asked why he looked so tired.

“Yes, I did. Earlier this year in February, I joined MANKAI Company… Is there something you wanted to ask about our theater?” Itaru asks, unable to help feeling a bit curious. It's odd for Utsuki-san to bring it up all of a sudden, and Itaru's pretty sure that Utsuki-san isn't interested in theater despite living in Veludo Way…

And then, blowing away all those thoughts, Utsuki-san grins and says, “Recently, I became a bit interested in theater. Would you be alright with me asking for some tickets to the next play your theater holds?”

… Huh. Utsuki-san really doesn't seem like a theater-type of guy.

Well… Itaru probably wouldn't seem like the type either, so he supposes he can't judge.

Itaru smiles pleasantly. “Of course. The truth is, there's a play being currently held by the Winter Troupe. Would tickets to the final performance do?” Itaru asks. Utsuki-san seems unsurprised, and all he does is smile.

“That sounds perfect.”

 

Ever since then, Utsuki-san has attended every play that their theater holds. Itaru was a bit on edge when he realized that Utsuki-san planned on coming to a play that he was acting in, but all Utsuki-san told him afterward was, “You’re a pretty good actor, Chigasaki. I'm impressed.” He gave him a bouquet of gerberas with a smile, and Itaru had taken them with a humble bow. He wonders if Utsuki-san meant what he said, though.

Utsuki-san hasn't brought any flowers to any of the plays but the Winter Troupe one and the Spring Troupe one, though. Itaru wonders if there's someone in the Winter Troupe who has caught his eye. Tasuku maybe? Tasuku's an experienced actor, after all. Though if he's saying that, it could be Tsumugi, too… Homare-san and Azuma-san are interesting actors as well…

One day, Itaru gives Hisoka a crane game prize who is named PenPen, and he smiles wryly. As he watches Hisoka carry it everywhere with him like a child, he thinks about the gap between this side of Hisoka and the Hisoka who stands on stage.

Maybe Utsuki-san likes Hisoka.

When the Winter Troupe's third play rolls around, Utsuki-san happens to be in Japan at the time, and it sounds like he won't be overseas as much anymore. It doesn't matter to Itaru, but he wonders why he suddenly got a lot of work in Japan.

 

Months pass, and suddenly it's been a year since Itaru has entered this theater group. It's incredibly hard to believe how fast time has flown. Every day spent here has changed him, and now he can't imagine his life without any of these people. He's come to love the theater, love acting… love people again.

Not that he would ever admit it.

And, their already big family expands.

When it does, pieces fall into place, and Itaru realizes that the fickle thing called 'fate' knows what it's doing.

First, when Utsuki-san—Chikage-san becomes his roommate, Itaru realizes that he might never understand that man. Despite Itaru's tight rules he's laid down, it seems like Chikage-san never planned on sleeping in the room, so why did he even ask to dorm? It doesn't make sense. Maybe Itaru was noisier than he expected? Well, Itaru did end up showing his other face to Chikage-san since they live together now…

Chikage-san is like the extra, hidden stage of a game—complicated, dark, and confusing. Itaru wishes he was like 'life on easy-mode' Settsu Banri (dumb kid, by the way, and one of Itaru's best friends, maybe), and he could solve a puzzle in just one glance like he could. Maybe then he would be able to understand Chikage-san more.

Why he wants to understand Chikage-san? … Well… Someone has to. After all, Chikage-san is family now, and as the second-oldest in the family (troupe), Itaru is responsible for looking out for him. But… Itaru's unreliable and awkward with relationships. He's not sure if there's anything someone like him can actually do for Chikage-san.

As the days with Chikage-san living with them pass, Itaru realizes something—there's something odd about him and Hisoka.

Whenever Itaru sees them together (which isn't often), they seem tense. Itaru thinks he sees some of darkness from 'that' day creeping into Chikage-san's expression, and it's disturbing. Even though they shouldn't know each other, it's almost as if they do. But, Hisoka lost his memories, so maybe he doesn't remember Chikage-san? If that's so, is that why Chikage-san seems so tense around him?

Or is it because Chikage-san is the one who's stalking Hisoka? Could it be?

The person he's been working with for over a year, is he…

Is he going to destroy…

Itaru closes his eyes.

_Please don't let anything bad happen between those two._

 

Chikage-san disappears with Director-san, and Itaru stares at Chikage-san's empty bed for hours.

 

When Chikage-san, Director-san, and Hisoka return home, all unscathed, Itaru breathes a sigh of relief. Chikage-san is different—now it seems like he's carrying around enough regret to crush him, and he won't even look Hisoka's way. Itaru has no idea what happened—that will probably be just among those three for a while.

Still. Chikage-san is part of the Spring Troupe. They're all well-aware that the three of them probably weren't trapped in the 'Locked Room,' but even so, Chikage-san is family. Director-san was right. Family is…

For the first time, Itaru feels like Chikage-san is human. Even though he's told himself that before, it's just so hard to believe when you're faced with him. But now—now he feels human, not like some puppet on fraying strings. Itaru thinks that this is for the best, and all he can do is hope that Chikage-san will soon be able to find some closure for whatever happened.

He soon finds out that Chikage-san was indeed Hisoka's stalker. Hisoka called him 'Ape' but he was probably going to call him 'April,' the English word for the fourth month of the year. 'Apr.,' which was signed on the card Hisoka received, is an abbreviation for April. The chances that Chikage-san isn't Hisoka's stalker are less than the chance for a SSR in the gacha.

 

Then, one night that is slipping into morning…

Itaru watches as Chikage-san leaves this room—perhaps forever—and he sighs. He calls Sakuya to tell him what's going on, and after that, his role is over.

His chest feels tight. He remembers this feeling—he hates it.

Even though he'd gone out of his way to be honest with Chikage-san—even though he truly meant all of those things—why did he still have to leave? Is that how little he values his word? Or is that just how little he values Itaru? Itaru will be the first to admit that he's not a good person, but he thought that maybe Chikage-san at least felt something for him—after all, they talked so much when they were just working at the same company (even if it was probably not genuine on both parts), and now they even live in the same room.

So why did he just leave, as if the words that were so hard to say for Itaru were nothing but noise in and out his ears?

 _That's right. People don't care for someone like me. Everyone leaves at some point, realizing that I have no value._  

Itaru smiles bitterly at the ceiling, desperately trying to ignore the feeling of his lungs being crushed.

Itaru thought he finally learned how to stop thinking like this—he thought that he learned how to trust people again. He thought…

“This is so lame. Lol.”

He's stupid for being this upset over a result that he should have expected.

 

When the rest of them find Chikage-san and Sakuya sleeping on stage together later, Itaru is the only one who knows the truth, and he smiles. Saying a silent thank you to his reliable, good-hearted leader, Itaru lies down beside Chikage-san and closes his eyes.

He knew that if anyone could stop Chikage-san, then it would be Sakuya, who understands people more than one would think. Glad that Chikage-san hasn't abandoned his new family, Itaru feels like he'll be able to rest easy.

Even if Chikage-san probably doesn't really care much for Itaru, that doesn't matter. Itaru will uphold his responsibility as second-oldest, and he'll continue to quietly watch over Chikage-san. Chikage-san might think he's annoying, but that's fine. All Itaru needs is for Chikage-san to stay with his new family, and for everyone to be happy. As long as Chikage-san stays and doesn't go anywhere, everyone will continue to be happy. Itaru wants to protect that happiness.

… He wonders when he became such a sentimental person.

Soon after, Itaru sees Chikage-san smile, and it reaches his eyes for the first time.

 

They go through a lot, honestly.

Kumon, Azami, and Guy all bring their own troubles with them, but they resolve them one by one, as a family. When they lose Citron, Itaru won't lie—it hurts a lot, but there's nothing they can do. But then they go on a journey to bring Citron home, and it's exciting, but also a bit scary.

He doesn't mind when Chikage-san sighs about how useless he is. Someone has to watch over this person's back, and currently, Hisoka isn't here. As the second-oldest, Itaru has a duty to watch over Chikage-san—even if he does think he's going to be pretty useless if they get in trouble.

It reminds Itaru of when they were kids, and he thinks about asking Chikage-san if he remembers. But, deciding that this isn't the right time (he wonders if the right time will ever come), he stays silent and sticks close to Chikage-san so that he doesn't get lost.

The mission is completed successfully, and they all go home, including Citron, and Itaru smiles at the sight of their entire family being together.

Soon, the Spring Troupe's fifth play begins preparations, and Itaru gets a dream opportunity to act as Lancelot. Chikage-san is his co-lead as Gawain, and it's odd, because Chikage-san really does look like Gawain like that, but it's also pretty cool.

Itaru meets Tonooka again, and every dream he has since seeing him again is distorted, dark versions of the day Tonooka betrayed him. As the play draws closer, Itaru realizes that Chikage-san is looking out for them in his own way, and maybe he doesn't dislike Itaru as much as he seems to. Maybe.

Itaru doesn't exactly make up with Tonooka, but they're able to bury the hatchet. Itaru has no interest in being friends again with someone who betrayed him, but he feels a bit better. Maybe one day it won't hurt so much to remember that day.

(Damn Tonooka for being able to work on KniRoun, by the way.)

Itaru feels like these days are truly happy.

* * *

“Chigasaki, want to go home together?”

Honestly, those words have a lot of impact.

Even though everyone is aware by now of the fact that they live in the dorms at their theater company, they always get looks whenever Chikage-san drops by to ask if Itaru wants to go home together. Itaru gathers his things and puts on his usual charming smile. “Yes, let's go home together.”

When they exit the building, the smile is quick to drop from his face as he scowls up at a smirking Chikage-san. “I swear you do that on purpose.” Itaru sulks as he wraps his scarf around his neck and pulls on his coat. Chikage-san does the same.

“Whatever do you mean?” Chikage-san asks, playing innocent.

“Ugh.”

“What’s wrong? We do have the same home, after all.”

“Uuugh.”

“Pft.”

“I heard that laugh, Senpai.”

Itaru's mood lightens somewhat from the banter. It is kind of fun to go back and forth with Chikage-san like this, something that he once thought would never happen. He supposes they are pretty in-sync like Citron said, despite all their differences.

Itaru is lulled into a peaceful state of mind as he exchanges small talk and jabs with Chikage-san, but as they're turning a corner, a sudden chill runs up Itaru's spine. Itaru and Chikage-san make eye contact in silent confirmation, and when Itaru sees the cold expression in Chikage-san's eyes, he understands.

Someone's watching them.

Itaru knows that they can't give away that they know that, and so he continues to make small talk with Chikage-san. They can't go home at this rate, though. If they go home, then everyone will be danger, but Itaru knows that he can trust Chikage-san to come up with a plan to make sure that that doesn't happen.

They head away from the direction of the theater, and Chikage-san leads him to a quiet neighborhood. Once they enter, Chikage-san abruptly grabs Itaru's hand. “We’re running,” Chikage-san warns him, voice as cold as ice. Gulping at the intensity coming from the other man, it takes all of Itaru's energy just to keep up with him as he begins to run. Just how fast is Chikage-san?

“W—wait! Seriously… this is a total… impossible game… You're too much… of a cheat character…” Itaru huffs out in between breaths, already sweating despite only running for a couple minutes. Chikage-san sends him a glare.

“You'll run if you want to stay safe.”

“Dying sounds like a better option…” Itaru can't help but mutter, and only part of it is a lie. It doesn’t sound better for sure, but right now, as much as he'd rather live, he can't help but think it'd be more convenient for both himself and Chikage-san if he just stayed behind and got caught by their pursuers. At least Chikage-san would be able to get away.

“What was that?” Chikage-san snaps, whipping around to scowl at Itaru. “That’s not funny, Chigasaki!”

Itaru glares right back at him, an irritated twitch in his brow. “It wasn't a joke,” Itaru grinds out between clenched teeth. “You'd be a lot safer without unnecessary baggage, too.”

Chikage-san's blue eyes freeze into ice. “And who said you're unnecessary—look out!” Chikage-san grabs Itaru's shoulder with his free hand and pulls him into his chest, diving behind a brick wall as knives sail past where they were standing.

Okay. Well.

“Why am I getting a vague sense of déjà vu…” Itaru mumbles into Chikage-san's chest, idly noting that Chikage-san smells like the spices he loves so much. Ugh. How much spicy food does this man eat?

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing.”

“Jeez, I can't believe you can be so nonchalant in a life-threatening situation,” Chikage-san grumbles under his breath, and Itaru hears the sound of his briefcase opening. Itaru takes a peek at his briefcase just as he's opening up a secret compartment to reveal—aaaand he probably shouldn't have seen that, so let's pretend it didn't happen.

Itaru desperately tries to block out the sounds of weapon getting readied. “Chigasaki, do you remember our deal from Zahra?” Chikage-san asks, adjusting Itaru's position in his arms. Actually, isn't this kind of like a really intense otome game right now? No? Just him?

“… I do.”

“Then, let's have the terms extend to this instance as well. Close your eyes and ears, and put your head down.”

Well, he can't exactly refuse orders from this person. “Gotcha.” Itaru does as he asks, curling into Chikage-san's chest.

After some suspicious pop-pop noises, Itaru suddenly feels Chikage-san shake him. Itaru removes his hands from his ears as Chikage-san urges him to his feet. “There’s more coming. Stay behind me, no matter what,” Chikage-san orders, hiding Itaru between himself and a wall. What are the people in this neighborhood doing, anyway? Don't they realize a very shady fight is happening out here? Or maybe no one lives around here. Itaru doesn't see any houses. When did they exit the neighborhood?

As those useless thoughts float around in Itaru's mind, people in black clothes drop down from out of nowhere. Alright, what movie is Itaru in right now? –Or, that's what he'd love to say, but sadly, he's well-aware that this is reality. Damn, why couldn't he have one of his predictive dreams about this pickle?

Chikage-san knocks a couple down with swift shots from his silenced gun, but the rest charge at them. With a click of his tongue, Chikage-san unsheathes a knife from somewhere within his suit, fighting off several people at once. Two people aim for Chikage-san's chest, and Chikage-san kicks one back while simultaneously disarming the other with a swift twist of his knife. On one hand, Itaru has no idea why none of these people have guns, and on the other hand, he's amazed by Chikage-san's otherworldly fighting ability. This person definitely downloaded some kind of cheat code when he was younger.

Another two split up, one aiming for Chikage-san's hand with the knife, and the other one going for his legs. Chikage-san jumps over the guy going for his legs, and Itaru panics, shuffling backwards to dodge the guy. When Chikage-san's in the air, he pulls out the gun, taking out the guy who was going for his knife, and when he lands, he knocks the other guy's sword out of his hands with the barrel of his gun, and then a series of swift jabs makes him pass out. Chikage-san barely has time to breathe as more charge at him.

Itaru thinks that Chikage-san will actually defeat all of them without anything bad happening, but he shouldn't have assumed that. Itaru's eyes widen as one person falls, and another suddenly leaps forward, having hid behind the other, and scores a shallow cut on Chikage-san's arm. The shallow wound is enough to distract Chikage-san for a split-second, and another one approaches from the side, lifting his knife. Chikage-san is late in noticing his approach, but—

Itaru is not.

Itaru flies out from behind Chikage-san, unwrapping his scarf and slinging it over the man's arm, mimicking the move he used when he was just a kid. Gathering it tightly in his hands, he runs in the opposite direction, pulling the knife away from Chikage-san. Chikage-san knocks down the one who cut him and shouts Itaru's name as the scarf is torn out of Itaru's hands.

It happens in slow motion.

The man turns on Itaru in a rage, swinging his knife down violently. Itaru's eyes widen, but no amount of fake sword-fighting prepared him for this. He's unable to move as the man jams his knife right into Itaru's left arm, and he unsheathes another one to stab his chest. Itaru blinks slowly, staring dazedly at the knife coming toward him at a snail's pace. Despite that, Itaru can't move at all.

Right before it makes contact, the man's eyes suddenly widen, and he falls to the side, motionless as the knife clatters out of his hand. Itaru slowly lifts his gaze from the fallen man to see Chikage-san standing stock-still, gun in hand. His eyes are hollow and distant—it’s as if he isn't seeing what's in front of him.

Itaru tries to take a step toward him. “Sen—ah, crap, that stings,” Itaru curses numbly, remembering the knife in his arm. He wobbles, falling onto his knees, and that seems to finally wake Chikage-san up.

“Chigasaki!”

Conveniently, those two appear to be the last ones, and so Chikage-san doesn't have to worry about more as he runs over to Itaru. Chikage-san's panicked gaze travels over Itaru's face to the knife in his arm, and he curses as he sees the blood pouring out of the wound. Stripping himself of his coat and pooling it around the wound, Chikage-san offers Itaru his shoulder. “We have to get you out of here,” Chikage-san mumbles, words panicked and shaky. “Should I take you to the hospital—no, can't risk that. But then…”

“Senpai.”

Itaru's quiet voice breaks Chikage-san out of his babbling daze, and he stares at Itaru with wide eyes. Itaru gently places his right hand in his, squeezing it lightly. “Please calm down. We'll be okay. I'm not the kind of guy to go down to a little knife, you know?” Itaru tries to smile, but it comes out as more of a grimace. His arm really hurts, but that's a given. Still, he has to try to provide some kind of reassurance for Chikage-san.

Chikage-san stares at Itaru in shock for a second, and then a weak smiles appears on his face. “Since when were you this kind of character?” He asks, echoing his words from back in Zahra.

Itaru smiles back, just as weak. “That goes for both of us.”

With a suspiciously watery laugh, Chikage-san lifts Itaru up gently and grabs his briefcase. They take a few back roads and soon arrive at what Itaru assumes to be Chikage-san's hideout. Chikage-san lays Itaru down on the couch and gathers a first-aid kit. Itaru isn't liking the sight of this.

“Here,” Chikage-san holds out a bottle of… something to him. “Drink this.”

“My mother told me to never take suspicious-looking drinks from other people…”

Chikage-san sighs in exasperation, rolling his eyes at Itaru. “I can't believe you're saying that with a knife in your arm,” he mutters, shoving the bottle at Itaru. Itaru looks down at the cut on Chikage-san's arm. It's not bleeding much, but it is bleeding.

Itaru takes the bottle with his functioning hand. He has a feeling he knows what this will do to him. “Make sure you bandage your arm afterward,” Itaru tells him, softly. Chikage-san's irritation melts away into a dry smile.

“Don't worry about me. This much is nothing. Hurry up and drink so I can patch you up.”

His arm hurts. Like, really bad. He figures he probably won't die from blood loss, but it is a little scary. Even so, he's glad. His body moved on its own when he saw the knife coming down on Chikage-san, but because of that, he has no regrets. He doesn't want to lose this person. He'd like to be able to stay by his side for as long as possible.

He really does wonder when he became so fond of the other man.

He smiles, downing whatever's in the bottle.

 

When Itaru next opens his eyes, his arm is throbbing and he feels like death alive. Groaning, he forces himself up on his good arm before using it to blearily rub the sleep out of his eyes. Where is he?

The walls are bare concrete slabs, and the floor is also concrete. Itaru is lying on a sparse-seeming single bed in a small room that's more of an enclave than a room. The door to the outside is open. Itaru stands up, wincing at the pain in his arm. It looks like Chikage-san made a makeshift sling for it, though.

Judging by his surroundings, he assumes that he's still in Chikage-san's hideout. He pokes his head out of the room, and that's confirmed when he spots Chikage-san sitting at a desk, typing away at his laptop. Must be doing some kind of clean-up work… Probably shouldn't ask.

“Senpai.”

Chikage-san looks in surprise, showing how concentrated he must have been. He usually would have sensed Itaru as soon as he entered the room. He closes his laptop, turning around in his chair and standing up. As he approaches Itaru, he asks, “How are you feeling, Chigasaki?” There's concern on his face. Itaru is somewhat amused; he didn't really think this day would come. Well, he was pretty seriously injured, though, so it's understandable.

Well, he'd love to tell Chikage-san that he feels just peachy, but that would be a total lie, so. “I feel like a zombie that was just dug out of the ground and was thrown into the street for a car to run it over,” Itaru deadpans, taking Chikage-san's left arm and rolling up his sleeve. He's relieved to see it bandaged.

Chikage-san takes his arm back, all the worry dissipating from his expression as he smiles wryly. “I guess you're fine, then.” Becoming more serious, Chikage-san grabs Itaru's good arm, dragging him over to the couch and making him sit down. “You’re going to need food and water. You lost a lot of blood, but luckily, it doesn't seem like you'll need a transfusion. I already went out for food, so eat up,” Chikage-san orders, grabbing a bag of food from the table and giving it to Itaru.

Itaru takes the food without complaint, observing that Chikage-san's changed out of his suit. Itaru's also wearing new clothes that he doesn't recognize. “How long have I been out?” Itaru asks curiously, munching on the convenience-store rice balls. Chikage-san probably already contacted Director-san so that she doesn't worry…

“It’s only been about half a day. I already let Director-san know that we'll be gone for a few days—the excuse is that we had to go on emergency business for the trading company. Your dominant arm is the one that got injured, though, so we'll need a cover story for that as well…” Chikage-san trails off as he gets lost in thought, probably trying to think of a good story that won't make anyone suspicious.

Itaru takes a sip of water as he thinks as well. He probably shouldn't ask Chikage-san questions about who those people were; it's probably safer if he doesn't know. He'll just trouble Chikage-san if he asks about it, anyway. With that decided, Itaru starts to think of a cover story as well.

“… I fell down the stairs at work?”

“As clumsy as you are, I don't know if everyone's going to buy that, plus you don't have a cast.”

“Someone was using a knife and it flew out of their hands and stabbed me?”

Chikage-san rolls his eyes. “Who would even believe that one.”

Itaru pouts, chomping on his rice ball in a disgruntled fashion. “Then you come up with a good cover story,” Itaru jabs, irritated.

Chikage-san sighs. He doesn't say anything, suggesting he hasn't thought of anything good either, and Itaru's mood worsens. Why does he have to pick on him when he doesn't even have a good idea himself?

As Itaru sulks, Chikage-san sits down beside Itaru. “Chigasaki,” he begins, voice serious. Huh, are they are not talking about the cover story anymore? Itaru glances at Chikage-san's hesitant expression. What's wrong now? “Did you mean it when you said that you'd rather die?”

Oh.

Well.

Itaru sets down his rice ball, frowning slightly. It's true that he said that, but… “No, I was just thinking that it'd be easier for you to get away without me,” Itaru replies, but Chikage-san should have already guessed that because Itaru basically told him that. Chikage-san just nods, and he still seems like he's waiting for Itaru to continue. Itaru sighs. Why does Chikage-san have the ability to read into Itaru when he doesn't want him to? (Though, to be fair, Itaru has also figured out a lot of things about Chikage-san that he probably wouldn't have wanted him to.) “Well, if I have to be honest, right now I don't think I want to die, but in the past, there were a lot of times when I wanted to disappear. When the kids in elementary would pick on me, when I'd get pushed around in middle school… when Tonooka betrayed me in high school. I've lost count of how many days I've lived through wanting to just disappear.”

“… I see.” Chikage-san's frowning, troubled. He probably doesn't know what to say to that. Heck, if someone said that to Itaru, he probably wouldn't know what to say to that.

Itaru smiles, taking Chikage-san off-guard. “But I never did,” he says, softly, staring down at the bandage on his arm. It doesn't look like too much blood is seeping through, so Chikage-san must have stitched it up. “I got past those days, and I made it to MANKAI Company. Besides games and my family, I was given another reason to want to live. I want to have fun on stage with my friends—with my other family. I want to experience a passion that not even games can bring me. That's why, don't worry about what I said. I promise I'm not going anywhere.” Itaru's smile widens. Chikage-san stares at him in all his battered glory, and he just snorts, looking away.

“I was never worried about you.”

Itaru can't help but break into laughter. “What a liar.”

Chikage-san glares at him out of the corner of his eye. “Be quiet.”

“You’re embarrassed~”

“I said to be quiet.”

Chikage-san huffs as he stomps back to his desk to continue his work, but the fleeting relief on his face before he turned away told Itaru all he needs to know. Smiling as he picks up his rice ball again, all he says is, “Thank you for taking care of me, Chikage-san.”

Chikage-san glances back at him, expression unreadable. Itaru tilts his head curiously. Wonder what he's thinking now.

“… I was just repaying the favor.”

_Ahh._

Itaru grins. “It’s fine. Like I said, a little knife wound isn't going to kill me,” he says cheerfully, beginning to eat his rice ball again. For some odd reason, Chikage-san doesn't go back to his desk, and instead he turns fully, sitting back down next to Itaru. Confused, he asks, “What's wrong, Chikage-san?”

Chikage-san opens his mouth, hesitates, and closes his mouth. Well, that's odd. He opens his mouth again, speaking carefully, as if every word holds weight to it. “… I didn't mean for just yesterday. I meant for when we were younger, too.”

Itaru almost drops his rice ball.

_Huh?_

Wait… why now? Why is Chikage-san only bringing this up now? Has he known all this time, but he's only talking to him about it now because Itaru got caught up in a mess again? Or did he figure it out only recently and didn't know how to bring it up? When did he realize that Itaru was the boy he escorted to the station? Did anything happen—

And then he remembers. Yesterday, Itaru used the exact same move he used to rescue that boy to save Chikage-san.

Feeling his hands begin to tremble a bit, Itaru looks down, unable to keep staring into Chikage-san's probing gaze. “… Did you only realize that yesterday, or…” Itaru trails off, unsure of what to say to either response Chikage-san gives.

“… So you knew.”

“Huh?” Itaru looks up at him in surprise. When his eyes meet Chikage-san's narrowed eyes, he shrinks in on himself. He thought Chikage-san had figured that out, but if not, then maybe he's mad… “… I did.”

“Since when?” Chikage-san's voice is a little harsh. He's mad.

Itaru sighs. There's no getting out of this one, but remembering the way Chikage-san looked on that day… Itaru doesn't want to bring up that memory with Chikage-san, but he knows that if he doesn't answer, then he'll be even more angry, and he definitely doesn't want that. “Last year in February, when you finally came back after a long time being away, you looked at me without your glasses on.” Itaru pauses, wondering if he should add in what really led him to the realization that Chikage-san is the boy from his past. He decides that he should, since it's probably better to be honest with Chikage-san. It feels like the man would see right through him leaving details out. “Your appearance without glasses combined with your very… cold expression reminded me of the boy who saved me once. I realized then that you were probably him.”

Chikage-san just lets out a loud sigh, muttering, “I see,” under his breath. He seems to be thinking, faraway eyes gazing at the floor, so Itaru keeps quiet, waiting for him to say something. It's not like he hasn't considered that this day will come, but he also thought that it probably wouldn't happen. After all, Chikage-san showed no signs of recognizing him, and even if he did, he didn't seem to care to talk about the past. That's what Itaru thought.

It seems that Chikage-san just didn't know, since he hadn't figured it out. Well, Itaru can't blame him. Back then, his hair was longer since he used it to hide his eyes, and he wore glasses. Itaru doesn't really look like his younger self unless you look closely.

Speaking of which, it's a good thing he wears monthly contacts instead of dailies, but he's still going to need to take them out and clean them… Plus his eyes sting from sleeping with them on…

Oops. This isn't the time to be thinking about that.

Itaru tunes into reality just as Chikage-san begins to speak. “I thought that you looked a little like that boy, but somehow, I just couldn't think it was you,” Chikage-san confesses, glancing at Itaru out of the corner of his eye. Itaru nods, understanding where he's coming from. “After all, it seemed so far-fetched to meet you again, so I figured the resemblance was a coincidence.”

“Well, that's understandable.”

“But I think in reality I was in denial.”

Itaru blinks in surprise. _Denial?_ Noticing his expression, Chikage-san smiles wryly. “Pathetic, isn't it.” With a sigh, Chikage-san leans back into the sofa, staring up at the concrete ceiling. “I didn't want to believe you were him. If I believed you were him, then it gave me a reason to not use you. I think you're aware of this, but I only got close to you in case I needed you for something at the company.”

Itaru frowns, feeling a little stab in his chest. Oh, well. “Yes, I was aware of that, but it does sting a little to have it said to me straight,” Itaru replies, dryly. Chikage-san's mouth twitches upward in a smile.

“Huh, I didn't realize you liked me so much,” Chikage-san chuckles, amused. What Itaru would give to wipe that smirk off his face…

Irritated, Itaru huffs and figures, well, since they both seem to be confessing, might as well as tell the truth. “Of course I like you,” Itaru grumbles, annoyance soaked into every word. “I wouldn't have put up with you and laid down my pride to try to get you to stay if I didn't, you know.”

Chikage-san winces. It's Itaru's turn to smirk. He's still a bit upset about that one, so seeing that guilty look is very satisfying. Chikage-san looks at Itaru's smirk and huffs, the guilt evaporating into thin air. “Don’t get cocky.” As some of the irritation fades from his expression, Chikage-san reluctantly adds, “I do have some regrets about that. Even if I was having a hard time, I should have apologized to you afterward for lying to your face.”

Itaru’s surprised that he’s said that much since he hates being honest, but seeing the hints of regret in Chikage-san's expression, Itaru decides that maybe it's time to let that grudge go. Chikage-san is still here, and Itaru knows that he does feel sorry for what he did. Itaru is aware that this grudge is quite petty since everything worked out in the end, but it took a lot of effort for him to put down his pride and be honest with Chikage-san in an attempt to get him to stay, so his silent yet clear rejection stung a lot. But, well, he should let bygones be bygones.

“It's fine. I'm not really upset about it anymore. Just promise me that you won't try to leave us again unless you have no other choice.”

Itaru is well-aware that this person could disappear at any moment. At the very least, he wants assurance that Chikage-san is only leaving because he has to, not for any other reason.

Chikage-san snorts softly. “You’re too observant for your own good,” he sighs. “I promise.”

Itaru smiles in satisfaction. “Good.” Realizing that they got way off track from their conversation, he tries to recall what Chikage-san was saying before. “Uh… Where were we?”

“Me using you.”

“Ahh, right. Continue.”

Chikage-san shakes his head in bemusement at Itaru's nonchalance. “Right, well, I got close to you at the company in case I had to use you for something, and as luck would have it, you ended up being the perfect person for me to get closer to Hisoka with.” A shadow passes over Chikage-san's face, and he pauses. He stares at Itaru seriously. “How much do you know about us?”

That's a hard question. “Well, I know that you were stalking him, and I know you two have known each other for a while, but that's about it,” Itaru shrugs, not sure what else to say. He also knows that they probably worked for the same people, but Chikage-san should know that he knows that based on what he's said.

“Ah…” Chikage-san trails off, looking to the side. “Well, that's all you need to know for now. Returning to the point, after everything settled down and I really started to live in the dorms, I think I just didn't want to consider that you were that boy at that point. If I did, then it would mean I did some… uncommendable things to someone I owed a favor to.”

Itaru's surprised by that, and he shakes his head. “Why do you owe me a favor?” He asks, incredulous. “You’re the one who saved me, and you even took me to the station so I could go back to my family. I'd say we're pretty even, or that I owe you.”

Chikage-san frowns, clearly disagreeing with Itaru. “No, if you hadn't been there, then he might be dead right now,” Chikage-san retorts, referring to the boy Itaru helped. “I saw everything happen from the rooftop I was running on. My blood felt like it was freezing over when I realized I wouldn't make it in time to help him, but you bought just enough time for me to make it there and take down that man. If it wasn't for you, I would have lost part of my family back then.”

Itaru opens his mouth for a rebuttal, but he realizes that he has nothing to say. Frowning in dissatisfaction, he merely clicks his tongue and petulantly mutters, “If you hadn't arrived, then both that boy and me would probably have died.”

Chikage-san just sighs in response to that. “Probably,” he says, bluntly.

“Doesn’t even try to deny it. Lol.”

“It’s the truth, after all. Still, you have a lot of credit for that day. I know it's been years, but let me finally say it instead of trying to convey it.” Chikage-san turns to face Itaru, mouth set in a grim line. Itaru almost leans backward from the intensity. “Thank you for saving Hisoka on that day. I'm grateful.” He bows his head, a rare gesture from him to Itaru. Itaru has no idea how to react to this unusual situation.

Actually…

“That was Hisoka?!” Itaru demands, flabbergasted. That tiny boy…? No, wait. That makes sense. Hisoka is short, and thin like that boy was, and if Itaru remembers correctly, that boy had the same green eyes that Hisoka does. Huh… Itaru almost can't believe he didn't put the pieces together sooner.

Chikage-san lifts his head, raising an eyebrow in surprise. “You figured out all these other things, but it never occurred to you that that was Hisoka?” He asks, voice almost dumbfounded, as if he can't believe Itaru is that stupid. Well, in hindsight it seems obvious, but hindsight is 20/20 and all that.

“Well, I mean, I guess it's obvious in hindsight, but it's really hard to tell when he was completely wrapped in clothing, you know?!”

“Hmm…” It almost sounds like Chikage-san doesn't accept that as an excuse either. Why? It's a perfectly good excuse!

“Ugh,” Itaru groans, wishing this conversation was over all of a sudden. “You’re insufferable.”

“Is that really how you should speak to your senpai?” Chikage-san asks, grinning.

“I’m sorry, I meant that you're wonderful and amazing and handsome wahh,” Itaru deadpans, staring off at a wall. Chikage-san breaks composure and starts laughing. It reminds Itaru of that one night at the bar (the second time), but this time his laughter is… freer. Itaru hides his smile by drinking his water. He's glad that the day has come where Chikage-san can laugh without feeling the need to hide it.

Itaru begins to eat again, figuring the conversation is over. He's glad that that's out in the open now, though. He has wanted to talk to Chikage-san about it, but there never seemed to be a right time. He feels satisfied now, since it feels like they really wrapped up that incident. The Hisoka part was unexpected, though… He also wonders if Chikage-san remembers what he told him…

“Senpai,” Itaru suddenly says, turning to Chikage-san, who's stopped laughing just a bit ago. He lifts an eyebrow, telling him to go on. “Do you remember what I told you when we parted?”

Chikage-san gives him a befuddled look. “Why would I?” He asks. “I didn't know the language back then. All I know is that you said something to me and told me goodbye.”

Itaru pouts. What a shame. He was kind of hoping that he remembered and realized what he had told him. Oh, well. He supposes it's only natural that he doesn't remember.

“Well, I guess it's not important,” Itaru sighs. It wasn't like he said anything life-changing to him or anything. All he said was thank you and to look out for his friend and himself.

Chikage-san narrows his eyes at Itaru's response. “… What did you say to me?” He asks, and judging by the tone of his voice, he isn't planning on letting this go anytime soon. Maybe Itaru should start to think before opening his mouth. He's going to get himself into a lot of trouble one of these days.

Itaru recalls his exact words as he puts his food and water on the table. Might as well reenact it completely for the full effect if he's going to do it. Now that he thinks about it, though, this is kind of embarrassing… Too late now.

Luckily (or unluckily), he remembers what he told Chikage-san word for word.

Smiling genuinely, Itaru recites, “Thank you for everything. Please keep looking out for your friend, and take care of yourself too! Bye-bye!” Itaru waves his good hand in a childlike manner, but on the inside, he's groaning. Wow, that was more embarrassing than he thought it would be. He's way past the age for doing stuff like that.

Chikage-san doesn't react at all, just staring at Itaru. Itaru's smile cracks as the silence drags on. Okay… Well. Now he really regrets saying that. Can't Chikage-san at least say something? This is super awkward for Itaru. Ugh, Chikage-san is a terrible man…

“I don't understand you.”

Okay, wasn't expecting that one, but Chikage-san is weird, so.

Itaru's hand drops to his side as he frowns at Chikage-san, who frowns right back at him. As Itaru scrutinizes his face, he realizes that Chikage-san really does seem to be confused, but what is there to be confused about? “Well, I meant what I said…” Itaru trails off, not really sure what else to say since he himself is confused by Chikage-san's response.

“No, it's not that,” Chikage-san shakes his head, frown still on his face. He meets Itaru's eyes, and the look in Chikage-san's eyes is… pitiful. Huh? Why is he pitying Itaru? “You didn't have to wish me well; after all, it was our fault that you ended up going through something scary when you were just a kid. Even though you should know better than to treat other people that kindly, I don't understand why you still do it. When we were younger is one story, but now that we're older, why don't your value yourself more? Why are you willing to jump in and save other people even though you're actually a lazy, unfit shut-in who's supposed to care about himself more than anything else?”

Chikage-san's been going on without pause, but now he takes the time, carefully measuring the shock on Itaru's face. He hesitates, and then he reaches out, placing a hand on Itaru's head. It's warm. “You should think of yourself more,” he murmurs, an odd expression of half of a smile and half of a grimace pulling at his face. “You should be selfish during the times when it really matters, too, not just when it doesn't.” Chikage-san pauses again, as if the next words are hard to say. “… I'm sorry I wasn't able to protect you yesterday. Thank you for saving me, but next time, be selfish and leave me be. I'm a lot more durable than you, so—”

“Can you not say that?”

Chikage-san stops, surprised, as Itaru glares at him. Brushing off his hand, Itaru just huffs. He has to admit that he's really happy that Chikage-san seems to be concerned about him, but more than that, he's irritated because he's telling him to what? Do nothing if he sees him in danger? That's not something that Itaru can just do.

And it's not as if Itaru doesn't value himself, because he does. It's just—it’s just that he can't just _not_ do anything. If someone needs help, you're supposed to help them. Itaru is a lot weaker to other people than he likes to admit, and even if he doesn't do it well, he's willing to try to extend a helping hand to those he cares about. He's well-aware of the fact that he might just end up getting burned in the end by building relationships with people, but still…

Itaru, just like most other people, doesn't like to be alone.

(He hates admitting that, even in just his mind, though.)

Trying to get back on track, Itaru gathers his thoughts. “I’ll tell you this now, but in case you haven't noticed, I'm the oldest in our troupe after you. Even though I'm well-aware of the fact that I'm unreliable, someone has to watch your back, and I'm perfectly fine with that being me. I've let you stay by my side for all this time, so don't tell me _now_ that you want me to just leave you be, because I'm not such a coward that I would leave my precious family behind to die,” Itaru finishes with another huff, ignoring the surprised expression on Chikage-san's face. Chikage-san doesn't understand him? Well, Itaru doesn't understand Chikage-san. All Itaru wants to do is help him, but this man is so stubborn, like being helped is absolutely unthinkable. Itaru's put up with him ever since he said “nice to meet you” at their company, so he's not about to just let him push him away. Itaru can be pretty stubborn, you know?

“… You're a busybody just like the rest of them, even though you don't look like it,” Chikage-san mutters, voice displeased. Itaru just smiles proudly. Well, he still thinks he's terrible at maintaining relationships with other people, but he's slowly getting better. Even if he's a bit more conservative with his actions than the others, he hopes that they understand that he cares.

Quietly, “Just like someone else I know.”

Not having heard what he said despite the small distance, Itaru blinks curiously. “Huh?”

Chikage-san just smiles. It's a bit happy, a bit sad. “It’s nothing.”

Itaru really doubts that, but looking at the expression on his face, he knows that it's better not to ask. “If you say so,” Itaru shrugs his good side, deciding not to pursue it. Anyway… “Thank you for being concerned about me, though. I guess next time I'll try to think of something less dangerous…” He wonders what that would be. It's sad to think he might have to retire his scarf trick.

“Please do.”

Well, it doesn't seem like Chikage-san will shut him out. That's good. He was probably seriously considering it after what happened yesterday, but Itaru would be upset if he did that.

As if reading his mind, Chikage-san glances at his laptop. “The guys who attacked us yesterday won't be opening their mouths about you, so you're still safe. I didn’t hit their vital organs, so they should be alive but barely. They haven't figured out where I work or about my relationship to the theater, either. Don't worry about them; I finished taking care of any loose ends while you were sleeping.” Chikage-san shoots him a shiny smile. Itaru feels a shiver run down his spine.

“Scary.” Itaru shudders for effect, which makes Chikage-san snort. “Well, I guess that's relieving, though. For a moment there I was about to imagine what it would be like having to be on the run or underground for the rest of my life. Probably with no games too… Terrifying.” His shudder is real this time.

Chikage-san rolls his eyes. “I’ll make sure that doesn't happen, but are you seriously still concerned about games?”

Itaru's answer is immediate. “Of course. Games are my lifeline. Without them, there's no point in living.”

“Listen to you talk…”

“It’s the same with you and spices, isn't it?”

“It’s completely different.”

“Yeah, right.”

Itaru suddenly bursts into laughter, relieved. It feels like reality is finally settling in. Both he and Chikage-san are fine, and they're bantering like usual. The scare from yesterday feels like a lifetime away. The pain will be there for a while, and he'll probably have a nasty scar, but it's cooler that way, isn't it? He wasn’t even scared when it happened, which makes it even cooler. Yeah, he could make up any number of stories for how he got it, and it'll all be fine, because the real story doesn't matter. What matters is that he and Chikage-san are alive and well, and that from now on, Chikage-san won't go anywhere.

His eyes are stinging.

“I'm really glad…” He whispers, trying really hard to ignore the wet substance rolling down his cheeks. “I’m really glad you chose our company as cover.”

Chikage-san reaches forward, wrapping him in a gentle embrace. Itaru swears the noise that escapes his mouth isn't a sob. It's been so long since someone's hugged him to comfort him that he feels like he's forgotten the warmth of another person's body.

It's not like he was scared. It's not like he was terrified that both he and Chikage-san were going to die. It's not like all his emotions are only now catching up with him.

“You did really well. Just take it easy for now,” Chikage-san says, softly, rubbing his back. Itaru clutches his shirt with his good hand, uncaring if he's ruining it with his (not) snot.

Maybe he was just a bit terrified.

“… Mhm.”

“… I'm glad, too.”

Their relationship isn't perfect by any means, and they're both horribly awkward people who don't really know how to really care for others. But that doesn't matter. Somehow, their rough, uneven edges line up like magic, and they're able to fit together. Whether they argue with each other, whether they laugh with each other, whether they cry with each other, things will stay the same. From now on until the end, they will quietly stay side-by-side, and that…

That is all Itaru could ask for.

_To the slightly terrifying man who reached out to me for a reason we'll leave unsaid—_

_Thank you for everything, whether it was helping me out at work, giving me the push I needed, or even saving my life._

_I'll cherish our time together, be it forever or fleeting._

Itaru closes his eyes, relaxing in the warmth of Chikage-san's arms, and he smiles against his shoulder.

“I guess green-haired people really will haunt me forever.”

“What?”

Itaru just lets out a watery laugh, shaking his head.

He doesn't mind.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is awful (and cheesy)
> 
> the idea behind most of this is my actual perspective on their relationship because itaru seems concerned about chikage for most of main story 5, and he faithfully stays with chikage during the whole "thing" in main story 8. I love their banter, it cracks me up every time (sorry I did a poor job of replicating it though). this fic is really self-indulgent though, and idk how accurate it actually is to their characters, but I did my best
> 
> the idea behind them meeting as kids, though, was because when itaru talked about going overseas with his family a long time ago, I thought it was a flag of some sort, but nothing ever came of it. about a year passed, and I was rereading overseas trip, and I suddenly had the brilliant (read: terrible) idea of writing a fic where itaru and chikage meet as kids. this is the first thing in a long time that's inspired me to write (I've had writer's block for a while), so I had to see it through. I didn't want it to end up this long though (like this note)
> 
> I feel like I wrote the scenes in chikage's hideout so badly sigh. at this point it's too late to revise it though because it'll take a lot of work and I'm lazy and this fic is long enough already
> 
> I want to write chikage's pov too because there's some things I thought would be interesting from his perspective, but no promises


End file.
